How do you know if your depression is because of things going on in your life or if it's just chemical? Does it really matter? I feel sad today. Had a bit of a disappointment last night. Nothing major, but it doesn't take much to trigger an "episode." My husband had gotten the idea to look at condos and townhomes that are currently being sold at less than $40K, and he had talked to his parents about lending us the cash to get one. Originally they said yes. So we started looking and found a property that was promising. Matt called his dad to tell him about it, and his dad got antsy and changed his mind. It wouldn't have been a problem if he had just said no to start with. But to get our hopes up and then shit on them like this really pisses me off! Of course, Matt was upset. And when Matt gets upset, I get even worse upset.. Matt has no middle ground. He goes zero to sixty and back again pretty quickly. But when he hits sixty, I panic, and I tend to stay there for days! Meanwhile, he's been essentially fine since about five minutes after the whole thing started! So now, he's a bit frustrated, is pretty sure his dad will change his mind again, and is in "wait and see" mode. I, on the other hand, have gotten re-depressed about everything, our financial issues, our housing issues, our personal issues.. So, yeah, I'm pretty sure that today's depression is predominantly chemical with some real life catalysts. I start thinking about what I don't have ... then feel stupid and guilty because I really have a lot! But I get really bogged down on what I don't have! Money is tight, but we're not starving! Our condo is tiny, but we have a roof over our heads! But seriously, I'm 41, I've been essentially supporting my husband and myself since we started out, he's been out of work for a year, the part time job he just started sounds completely dead ended (but at least he is doing something!), and I am "chained to the grind stone" (my husband's words). Believe me, I feel it! Our money is tight because I am the only one making any! We're desperate to get into a place bigger than a closet, and our friends, mostly younger than us, are thinking of spending $30K on investments or a basement remodel! And that same $30K could get us a home! They're traveling to Europe, and we're lucky if we get to drive out of town for a weekend.. And again, I think "but we have a roof, and clothes, and food .." so how can I complain?
There's more. There's always more. But I think that's all I got for now..
Fun read, isn't it!?
No comments:
Post a Comment